The Life Journey of a Nobody

Sekembalinya ke Indonesia, Alhamdulillah saya disambut dengan kesempatan untuk menjadi pegawai negeri sipil (ya, meskipun kesempatannya sama sulitnya mencari jarum di tumpukan jerami: terlalu banyak orang yang melamar untuk jumlah posisi yang terbatas). Tapi, yang penting ikhtiar terlebih dulu, baru hasilnya nanti akan kita tuai. Nah, pelamar CPNS wajib melampirkan yang namanya kartu kuning sebagai salah satu dokumen persyaratan. Kartu kuning ini saya kurang hafal sejarahnya mengapa sampai bisa disebut "kartu kuning", padahal warnanya putih, tidak ada kuningnya sedikitpun :D. Sebagai penduduk yang resmi terdaftar di Kotamadya Bandung, setelah mencari-cari di internet alamat kantor Dinas Tenaga Kerja kota Bandung ini, sayapun akhirnya meluncur ke Jl. R.A.A. Martanegara No. 04 (yang ternyata saya, baru tahu, satu wilayah dengan kantor Satpol PP). Enaknya ada internet, kita bisa cari informasi yang kita butuhkan dengan cepat dan praktis. Sayapun tahu dari internet, tidak ...

It's been awhile I haven't updated my blog. Aside from being so immersed with my study that includes reading a bunch of books, articles, and of course, writing my thesis--I wanted to write about my experience that maybe useful for other people. This is about the emerging and increasingly popular shopping website with its base in China, Dinodirect. I'm a dress lover, and is quite a fashionista. I always want to look good because I believe that my appearance is part of my identity. I feel comfortable with myself being dressed up nicely. At the same time, I'm also tight with money. Saving while shopping is my motto. Since I don't drive, and like to cozily browse on the internet for my shopping, I always come across shopping sites that offer nice goods with unusually lower prices. That's how I came across Dinodirect. Unbelievably low prices, nice-looking clothing (especially dresses), and free shipping! This site has a lot to offer. Being cautious with fraud web...

This kind of relationship existed long before technology is as sophisticated as it is today. No calling, no texting, no emailing--nothing. Only a letter delivered by a postman that could connect one with his or her lover. Yet, despite technological limitations, long-distance relationships persisted. I should be grateful then because I live in an era where communication is not a real hindrance. However, to be fair, the dissemination of technology in communication still has not reached remote areas. My husband lives in Sumatera, an island whose development is said to be second to Java in its advancement. The connection in his hometown is really poor. Domestic calling and texting are still okay, but international calling, texting, whatsoever chatting via internet are far from okay. With hundreds of miles apart and half a day of time difference, I found it really hard just to grasp the reality that it's so hard for me to just "talk" to my husband on a daily basis. We really d...

The former is a novelist, and the latter is a president--a former and the first President of Indonesia to be precise. So, what is the connection? No way I put the two names with the conjunction "and" in the title if there is no connection. So, I did find the connection between the two. It's not an intimate connection at all, certainly. I doubt the two people knew each other. But, certainly, Bellow knew Sukarno. How do I know? Because in his novel entitled Herzog that I am currently reading for my "Saul Bellow and Louise Erdrich" class, the name of this first president of Indonesia is mentioned, even though in passing.  Here is the excerpt where Sukarno's name can be found: "Through a Japanese trade mission she also met Mr. Nasser and Mr. Sukarno and the Secretary of State and the President." (172) Bellow's narrator, Herzog, is talking about the life of Sono Ozuka, his Japanese lover. Sono is said to be involved with the UN, with a degree of...

Today, as just any other day if I get my menstruation, my stomach really ached. I remember watching an advertisement for  correction of the term referring to the psychological condition  of women before menstruation comes. It said, "PMDD not PMS." PMDD stands for PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, while PMS stands for PreMenstruation Symptoms. The former is not so popular as the latter. Then, I read this particular article which basically says that the two terms co-exist, instead of replacing each other. It is the difference in the degree of severity of the symptoms that distinguish the two. If you are interested in knowing more, you can this article:  http://www.medicinenet.com/premenstrual_dysphoric_disorder_pmdd/article.htm . So, I guess I'm having PMS because PMDD is really severe, according to the article. So severe that one could get so irritable for trivial things. I was irritable too with my husband; we argued over trivial things. I believed I said something that ...

The images were blurred. I could't discern anything. The atoms forming the molecules scattered here and there. My fingers tried to touch any particle they could reach. Nothing, nothingness, complete darkness barred my way. I shouted. My voice reverberated in the darkness. "Did you hear me?" silly me asking question to nothingness. It's there; I saw it, yet it's beyond the reach of my senses. I could see nothing. I could feel nothing, I could taste nothing. I could smell nothing. I could only hear my voice in the void. The noisy darkness.

Silence. I only heard cars passing by and the humming of the machine keeping this house intact. The students already left the town, for holidays. They will be back soon swarming campus's buildings and parks with their noise--the noise that now I am longing for. My mind is busy thinking of this and that, those things and these things, things completed and not yet completed.  Silence.  All around me it's silence. I heard my brain playing the cassettes of memories, calling people by their names. I miss them. I miss them so much. This silence punctuates my longing for the loved ones. For the husband whose love gives endless warmth, I miss you. For the mother whose endless prayers accompany me always, I miss you. For the father whose silly love makes me laugh, I miss you. For the sisters whose words may sometimes be nice and some other times be harsh, I miss you. For the friends who love hanging out with me, I miss you. For all the food awakening my taste buds, inviting my sali...

It's really difficult to admit that you are a shopaholic. Speaking of which, I am. Well, I meant I almost turned to be one--nearly there. God, that is awful. I have been shopping dresses too much, or so I thought. But, well, I always have reasons for buying those dresses. I need them. Yes, I do. See, excuses are so easy to find. I can even find a thousand excuses for my spending. But, to be honest, I am pretty sure I haven't been a shopaholic, yet. I've told you, I was almost there. Other proofs to be sure I'm not: I never spend too much money on dresses, or shop too frequently that I couldn't buy other necessary stuffs, or be attacked by high fever when I could't get the dress that I wanted. On top of all, I knew how to stop. So, here I am, promising myself to stop shopping those darn cute dresses for good. I promised myself to specifically stop visiting this particular website that has been my favorite for dress shopping since May this year. I won't tell y...

So, I failed I lost I was defeated I was torn No, I don't give up I thrust forward I'm guarded by a wide wooden wall My flame still burns Inside, the fire is waiting Count me on  I'll be there Again Ditulis saat menelan kekecewaan karena sebuah kegagalan :)

Komentar seseorang setelah membaca novel yang saya ikutkan dalam Lomba Menulis Republika 2011: "Novel Islami, kok, ada cerita tentang perkosaan dan perzinahan?" Saya mengerutkan kening saya. :), jadi penasaran, pengertian rekan-rekan dengan novel Islami itu seperti apa, ya?