The Life Journey of a Nobody

The images were blurred. I could't discern anything. The atoms forming the molecules scattered here and there. My fingers tried to touch any particle they could reach. Nothing, nothingness, complete darkness barred my way. I shouted. My voice reverberated in the darkness. "Did you hear me?" silly me asking question to nothingness. It's there; I saw it, yet it's beyond the reach of my senses. I could see nothing. I could feel nothing, I could taste nothing. I could smell nothing. I could only hear my voice in the void. The noisy darkness.

Silence. I only heard cars passing by and the humming of the machine keeping this house intact. The students already left the town, for holidays. They will be back soon swarming campus's buildings and parks with their noise--the noise that now I am longing for. My mind is busy thinking of this and that, those things and these things, things completed and not yet completed.  Silence.  All around me it's silence. I heard my brain playing the cassettes of memories, calling people by their names. I miss them. I miss them so much. This silence punctuates my longing for the loved ones. For the husband whose love gives endless warmth, I miss you. For the mother whose endless prayers accompany me always, I miss you. For the father whose silly love makes me laugh, I miss you. For the sisters whose words may sometimes be nice and some other times be harsh, I miss you. For the friends who love hanging out with me, I miss you. For all the food awakening my taste buds, inviting my saliv

It's really difficult to admit that you are a shopaholic. Speaking of which, I am. Well, I meant I almost turned to be one--nearly there. God, that is awful. I have been shopping dresses too much, or so I thought. But, well, I always have reasons for buying those dresses. I need them. Yes, I do. See, excuses are so easy to find. I can even find a thousand excuses for my spending. But, to be honest, I am pretty sure I haven't been a shopaholic, yet. I've told you, I was almost there. Other proofs to be sure I'm not: I never spend too much money on dresses, or shop too frequently that I couldn't buy other necessary stuffs, or be attacked by high fever when I could't get the dress that I wanted. On top of all, I knew how to stop. So, here I am, promising myself to stop shopping those darn cute dresses for good. I promised myself to specifically stop visiting this particular website that has been my favorite for dress shopping since May this year. I won't tell y

So, I failed I lost I was defeated I was torn No, I don't give up I thrust forward I'm guarded by a wide wooden wall My flame still burns Inside, the fire is waiting Count me on  I'll be there Again Ditulis saat menelan kekecewaan karena sebuah kegagalan :)

Komentar seseorang setelah membaca novel yang saya ikutkan dalam Lomba Menulis Republika 2011: "Novel Islami, kok, ada cerita tentang perkosaan dan perzinahan?" Saya mengerutkan kening saya. :), jadi penasaran, pengertian rekan-rekan dengan novel Islami itu seperti apa, ya?

Sejak hari Jumat (dua hari yang lalu tepatnya), langit terus-menerus dirundung mendung. Ah, saya sangat-sangat-sangat berharap hujan akan turun. Ini hari ke tiga langit mendung, tapi hujan tak kunjung turun. Di Texas, hujan terbilang perhiasan yang sangat berharga. Lebih berharga dari emas dan berlian sekalipun. Masih teringat, selama musim panas kemarin yang panasnya sungguh luar biasa, Texas kering kerontang. Hujan tak turun-turun selama berbulan-bulan. Di mana-mana ada tulisan "Pray for rain." Kekeringan memang tidak berdampak pada berkurangnya air minum atau air untuk kebutuhan pokok lainnya, tapi tetap sangat menyedihkan. Kolam di depan kampus yang indah, dihuni oleh ikan, kura-kura dan beberapa bebek berbulu warna-warni kering kerontang, karena larangan mengairi kolam buatan.  Ketika hujan turun, semua orang begitu riang gembira. Mereka bersorak sorai. Sungguh naas, hujan yang pertama turun seperti mengejek saja. Beberapa detik saja membasahi bumi, tapi penduduk Texas

This weekend will be the most exhausting but amazingly fun weekend. Yesterday I went to, first of all, the Buddhist Meditation Center in Austin. Afterwards, we attended the Powwow (Native American/Indian celebration and dancing competition). Still on the same day, I visited the Hindu Temple of Rada Khrisna, located in a beautiful and hilly part of Austin. Today, I am going to go to Austin--again--but this time it is for Aidil Adha prayer. I am still so exhausted by yesterday's trip, anyway, I am so excited. Photos of the trip coming soon :) Berpose bersama penari Indian :)

Penasaran sekali, kapan ya, pengumuman lomba ini? Alhamdulillah ada kesempatan untuk mengikuti lomba ini. Meskipun prosesnya sedikit "ribet" karena saya tidak sedang berada di Indonesia. Alhamdulillah ada suami yang bisa membantu mencetak dan mengirimkan. Sayangnya, ada sedikit yang mengganjal di hati. Kebetulan suami mengirimkan novelnya melalui TIKI JNE Sarolangun. Menurut suami, jasa pengiriman di sana tidak menyediakan layanan laporan pengiriman. Jadi, saya benar-benar takut novel saya tidak pernah diterima pihak panitia. Tapi, suami saya bilang, pastilah diterima. Wallahualam. Semoga saja novel saya diterima pihak panitia dan semoga saja masuk dalam 3 besar :D. Kalau bisa masuk 3 besar nanti akan diterbitkan dan InsyaAllah akan menjadi novel ke 4 saya yang terbit. Ah, saya sangat-sangat excited! Tapi yang penting, novel itu harus sampai di tangan panitia. Di tengah gundah dan galau seperti ini saya hanya bisa berdoa saja. Mudah-mudahan saya menerima email dari pihak pa

Who doesn't know Kim Kardashian? Of course, there are people who don't know her, which is good. That means fewer and fewer people wasting time watching other people's supposedly personal lives. Just a little bit about her: Quite similar to Paris Hilton, she became so famous after her "private" porn video with former boyfriend "leaked" and then distributed by a company who later should give a huge deal of compensation for her. In addition, her family name--Kardashian--has also engraved its popularity in the world of entertainment. True, too, that Kim's super sexy body and beautiful face add to her popularity. She is a model, a business woman owning a boutique, a "singer"; above all, she is all about business. That's what her family is, indeed, famous for. She and her family, too, are notorious for being too much about business and too much about taking too much advantage of their popularity. Well, whatever people say about them, they

Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself! Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself! Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself! That's what I kept saying to myself. I was so disappointed with my presentation last night. I though I had a good preparation; it turned out that I did not prepare that well. I should have better prepared myself. Then, I didn't know how or why but everything that I had in my mind seemed to disappeared right when I opened my mouth. I skipped a lot of important things in my presentation. And, on top of all, I felt so stupid.  Immediately after getting back at home, I punished myself so severe that I couldn't help myself from being lazy. I spent the whole night watching Melrose Place Season I (thanks to Amazon Prime Instant Video that only gave season 1 for free and made other seasons not, so that I will not waste more time watching the show no matter how entertaining it was) and went to bed at 5 a.m. Of course then, as a consequence, I skipped my dawn prayer and I wo

         Setelah mengirimkan lamaran lengkap di hari terakhir penerimaan--sungguh sport jantung--saya akhirnya bisa sedikit tenang. Mengapa? Karena saya benar-benar pasrah. Diterima, Syukur Alhamdulillah. Tidak diterima? Bohong jika saya bilang saya tidak akan sedih. Tentu kecewa pasti akan saya rasakan. Tapi, saya berjanji pada diri saya waktu itu kalau saya tidak akan larut dalam kekecewaan. Jalan masih panjang, saya merasa saya masih muda :) dan pasti ada kesempatan lagi nanti untuk saya melamar beasiswa lagi, baik Fulbright lagi maupun beasiswa lainnya. Tentu saja, sejauh ini memang Fulbright paling "berkelas" dan paling sedikit menawarkan beasiswa untuk calon masters. Tapi sekali lagi, saya pasrah sambil tetap berdoa. Doa saya: Jika lulus semoga saya tidak takabur dan semoga dilancarkan, jika saya tidak lulus, semoga saya tidak larut dalam kesedihan.           Saya tidak pernah memeriksa email saya. Bukan berarti saya tidak mengharapkan lamaran saya diterima, tapi waktu

Oops, ternyata judul ini tidak hanya terlalu panjang, tapi juga terlalu luas. Terlalu banyak hal yang harus saya ceritakan, karena ternyata perjuangan untuk meraih beasiswa itu sungguh panjang dan tanpa batas. Perjuangan tenaga dan pengorbanan waktu dan uang tidaklah seberapa dibanding dengan perjuangan panjang menahan emosi atau bergelut dengan rasa khawatir, ragu, takut, dan tentunya gelisah saat menanti-nanti hasil keputusan juri apakah saya lulus ke tahap berikutnya atau tidak. Secara teknis ini yang saya lakukan: Mengikuti TOEFL-ITP (bukan TOEFL tidak resmi atau prediksi, tapi juga bukan iBT yang mahal sekali). Sebagai syarat, TOEFL-ITP cukup. Nilai yang diminta untuk Fulbright biasanya minimal 550. Waktu itu, saya berhasil mendapatkan 640. Alhamdulillah. Mungkin keuletan saya selama belajar sebagai mahasiswa jurusan Bahasa Inggris dan kemudian mengajar Bahasa Inggris sebagai bahasa asing membuat saya bisa lulus dengan nilai yang memuaskan. Salut saya berikan pada mereka yang

Blogging is not a new world for me; I started a blog at multiply.com. However, it seems like more and more people use blogspot instead. This particular blog is increasingly getting famous among bloggers and those seeking news and information from random, if not many people.  I'd like to share the story of my life here--good and bad. I believe that everybody has his or her own story that is unique and can be interesting for others. Also, everybody has a story to laugh at, sneer at, angry at, and above all, learn a lesson from. The next thing that I am going to write is my journey to studying abroad. I always find this particular story interesting to share because it has proved to me and to some others that whatever dreams one has, one will always find a way to realize them.